11:18 PM  
Next week I think I'm just going to move all of these to my Bio page, but for now, here's one more (because for the first time, I couldn't be happier with the results):

If I were a James Bond villain, I would be Francisco Scaramanga. I enjoy good food, monopolising the world's energy supplies, and sex before assassinating people. I am played by Christopher Lee in The Man with the Golden Gun. Who would you be? James Bond Villain Personality Test

1:03 AM  
No Funny Time: I honestly hope Lampshade is feeling better. There is truth in her words, but they're the kind that can only be spoken from a dark and lonely place...

5:56 PM  
Yeah, yeah, another one of these:

Edited to add: It should surprise no one that Jon is secretly a homicidal Replicant.

3:52 PM  
Ever since I stumbled across Heinlein books in junior high (and, I suppose, super heroes long before that), I've always been a sucker for stories about the hyper-competent. Now I have two movies to look forward to next summer: The Bourne Identity and Minority Report, both of which actually look pretty darn cool.

But tonight, Ocean's 11 finally comes out--the first movie I've been looking forward to in a month or two. Made me a killing on the Hollywood Stock Exchange, too.

5:07 AM  
Weirdness ahead: a few days ago JP brought in a movie of a strange little Japanese game. I could try to describe it, but I did some investigation until I found the game's name--Vib Ribbon--and its official web site, which can get the general idea of the game across to you better than I can this time of the night. Maybe this review of the game will help explain things a bit as well.

I find myself strangely fascinated, and horrendously disappointed that the game was never released in the U.S.

I was heartened, however, to find a couple places online where you can download MP3s from the oddly catchy soundtrack by a Japanese band called Love and Peace.

3:37 PM  
Okay, wait a minute--people can still be killed by pirates?

3:26 PM  
On Tuesday night I returned to my apartment to find a small box sitting on the steps with a Ford return address. It was too large for this month's bill, too small for a free car, just about right for a "Whoops--Your Alternator Might Explode, So Here's a New Part to Install Yourself" package. Instead, it turned out to be a free Ford Focus coffee mug. Sadly, I do not drink coffee, so the gesture lost a bit of its intended effect. Or did it? The enclosed note from Division President James G. O'Connor read:

Dear Ford Focus Owner,

Welcome to the Ford Focus family. The enclosed Welcome Gift will enhance your many years of driving pleasure.

First, I don't remember volunteering for the Ford Family when I signed the purchase agreement, so I'll be damned if I'm going to drive pell-mell through the Hollywood Hills killing starlets and painting "FORD TOUGH" on the walls in their blood. I already belong to the Monkey Cult, thankyouverymuch. Second, "Welcome Gift"; why is it capitalized? Are they trying to elevate their little gift to abstract symbol status--Truth, Beauty, Freedom, Welcome Gift? Third, how exactly does Ford know if I have many years of driving pleasure left, or if I purchased the car so that I could have a smooth ride in the six months before I die a horrible death? I think they're making some assumptions. But then, they're just getting started:

Your new stainless steel coffee mug is symbolic of the type of active lifestyle the Focus customer leads.

That's great if you want to talk that way in marketing meetings, guys, but leave it in the conference room, okay? Or at least be honest in your marketing speak: "We are trying to ensure that you bond with our product and will have brand loyalty for any future purchases you manage to finance." I also wonder if they have a different gift for each car. You know, something better for more expensive purchases: "Your new disease-free hooker is symbolic of the type of spendthrift extravagence embraced by the 2002 Thunderbird customer."

No one should have to be without their favorite beverage as they jaunt to and from the destinations that their active life leads them.

I peer into the misty past and see a Ford copywriter, working late on her daughter's birthday to write this stupid note, and realizing that the first draft of this sentence ended in a preposition. A quick change, but she's still not sure if it reads right. "Oh well," she thinks. "It's in the middle of the note. Nobody will notice if it reads awkwardly."

The sentence also makes me wonder how firmly Ford might stick to that thought if, say, my favorite beverage was Captain and Coke. Maybe I should tuck this note into my wallet in case I ever get pulled over. I may not be able to take on the criminal justice system, but with Ford at my back I'd be willing to try.

This spill-proof mug fashionably fits into your cup holders and is embossed with the Ford Focus Logo.

I won't even argue whether the mug is truly spill-proof, or if it's just spill resistant. But there are two issues I will press: 1) Logo. Don't capitalize it unless it's at the beginning of a sentence. 2) Somebody needs to explain to me who the fashion mavens are who sat down and decided how exactly a mug should fit into a cupholder. I need to know their identities so I can hunt them down and beat them bloody. Seriously.

We are confident that you will enjoy your new Ford Focus with edge design inside and out and interior room spacious enough for you, your friends, and all your necessary gear.

By now you can probably break down this sentence yourself. No, I have no idea what "edge design inside and out" is either, and I drive the car every day.

The moral of all of this: beware, all you copywriters, people actually do read your work...so it better make sense, damn it!

I'm going to go take some deep breaths now.

2:19 AM  
Well, there were a few more things I wanted to say on Wednesday, but I had problems getting Blogger to FTP properly. Jon mocks my lack of updates, but now you know the truth: technical problems. At least you got the two entries below, short as they are; the rest will have to wait until tomorrow--er, later today. After I sleep for a while.

JP, I spent most of the evening hanging out near Ghost and I have to say: you have one big cat...

4:42 PM  
Apparently,

3:47 PM  
Why Proofreading is a Good Thing #1:

"In Walt Disney World in Florida, a 25-foot-high ``portrait'' of the avuncular animator made out of cakes, a parade and a fireworks show will cap the theme park's ``100 Years of Magic'' celebrations on December 5 with a special appearance by Julie Andrews of ``Mary Poppins'' fame."

--Reuters news story on Yahoo

I used to think portraits were just boring oil paintings, but if you can make them out of parades and fireworks shows you can count me in.

6:13 PM  
Ahoy, large images beyond yonder links: You know, it's getting so that SA Photoshop threads are the only ones I post in anymore. (Original for comparison.)

4:35 PM  
Don't worry, Zusty, Wisconsin's not too bad...

3:20 PM  
For some reason, my cam is no longer on the SA Goons cam portals. Oh well. Now I'm only updating for the people who happen to read this page, so I'll be less shy about posting nude shots. (Um, but I wouldn't hold my breath for those if I were you...)

In other news, if you'd asked me yesterday, I'd never have guessed that I might enjoy perusing Douglas Coupland's website.

3:02 PM  
Since you're reading this, I know you have a computer. Did you know that you have an AM radio station too?

1:04 PM  
So I woke up early yesterday, puttered around the house for a while, then settled down for a nap. (That's the weekend for you.)

A half-hour later, I woke up in a perfect state of clarity.

It was weird, like nothing I've ever experienced before. For twenty minutes I sat on my couch, wrapped in this weird sensation that everything was okay, that I had everything figured out. I even ran through a mental list of my typical problems and neuroses, and for each one my brain shot back "DONE!" or "TAKEN CARE OF!" I pressed for details, and all I could get was this weird feeling that I should check the pockets of my jeans.

I sat there for a few more minutes, then stumbled into the bedroom and checked my pockets. Nothing. Nothing unusual, that is. I've gone over every coin and business card in there, but have yet to join my subconcious at whatever conclusion it has made.

The sensation has gone away now, but I can still remember what it was like, and I wonder what I'm missing...

2:31 AM  
Links page updated to now include a) links to past books and CDs from the left column, and b) links to other blogs I've been reading on a regular basis--whether those folks know it or not--so that it'll be easier to check them out while I'm on the road. Fixing the stupid archive still eludes me, though.

Where do I find the time? Oh yeah, by not sleeping.

1:52 AM  
Slowly, inch by inch, Tribes 2 continues to draw me back into its web. Played for a couple hours tonight with some LLJK folks, and had a blast. Capped once, played the flag-carrying heavy in a protracted stalemate, and got to play my usual Defender/Repairman role for a while. I'm not sure if the average skill in the game is going down or if mine is coming up, but I don't seem to be getting whacked quite as often...

Before I go sleep, a new book to go with the Wilburys: The Napoleon of Crime: The Life and Times of Adam Worth, Master Thief by Ben MacIntyre. I read a lot of books, and if people ask me to reccommend just one, this is it. An incredibly well-written biography of a fascinating person.

Worth was born the son of a cobbler, and aspiring to more he ran off and joined the Union Army just in time to be taken to the Battle of the Wilderness--one of the Civil War's bloodiest battles. Determining that the life of a soldier was no better, Worth faked his own death in mid-battle and fled to New York City, where he began to insinuate himself into the criminal underclass. For several years he ran with various street gangs, but kept getting caught--neccesitating multiple escapes from prison.

Eventually Worth got fed up with the idiocy of the common criminal and struck out for Boston, determined to steal for nobody but himself. Renting a storefront, Worth set up shop and made a good living selling snake oil to Boston's upper class. He did this for months, until one Monday morning his true purpose was revealed: his shop was located next door to Boston's biggest bank, and for weeks Worth had been drilling through from his basement directly into the bank's vault. One Friday night he cut through, took everything, and slipped away. By that Monday morning, he was already halfway to Europe with the proceeds of the biggest bank robbery in American history in his trunks.

And that's just the early days of his career.

Most notably, Worth is the inspiration for Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's character Professor Moriarity, the titular "Napoleon of crime". But the biography also shows his connections to the founder of the New York Times, the musical Cats, and TWA Airlines among other things. I didn't read many biographies until I read this book, and now I read quite a few in the hopes of finding as good a book--and as interesting a person--ever again.

'Night, all.